One cannot always control some things in one’s life, for me it is expressing every thought that pops into my head. Sometimes I find that my spontaneous oral expulsions is the most annoying things about me, but with the help of others, I have learned that I employ many annoying traits, this one for me being the most embarrassing of all of my lovely character traits.
I could, like most, lay blame with my parents, or with that mysterious condition of ADD, but there wasn’t ADD when I was growing up. And like many other things my parents faced in raising me, they came to realize that no amounts of drugs or beatings changed my impulsive behavior.
For too many years, I have been plagued with regret over things I have said or done… impulsively. Even as an adult I wish that I had an off button or could be given a miracle drug that would keep me from speaking, but alas, the medication given for this condition just makes me impulsive in other areas of my life. So if I have to live with either compulsive shopping, excessive weight loss, and the compulsion to partake in gambling or say stupid things that I regret saying the moment the words slips out of my mouth, the latter is probably less harmful in the long run.
I have been to every type of therapy known to men or rodents to control this condition of spontaneous oral emissions, but to no avail. My mother always referred to my problem as diarrhea of the mouth, my few friends refer to it as just me.
Things had gotten a little better in the last few years, until the accident. Yes I impulsively took my children to a pro go cart track where I suffered a bizarre set of circumstances that lead to a severe neck injury, leaving me in a nine month holding pattern for an operation, with a never ending prescription of painkillers that exacerbated the oral expulsions. I take the very least amount of pain medication that I can bear, but it never fails that when I pop a pill the mouth just starts saying stupid things.
I should mention here that I really do not like being noticed all that much. I harbor fears of looking stupid, so when my condition comes displays itself, as it did tonight, I put no doubt in anyone’s mind that I am, stupid that is. Then to add insult to injury I point it out and try to explain it away. Never ending is depth of the hole that I can dig for myself.
